Idle minds lead to idol affairs
by FeralJester
Summary: Rico's Insomnia leads him to a find like no other as some hardships resurface to conflict with current affairs. Rico/Kowalski with some Skipper/Julien
1. Rico's Insomnia

Rico couldn't go to sleep. He had insomnia. No matter how comfortable he got, slumber wouldn't take over. This troubled him because he knew Skipper would wake him at 0600 hours for their morning routine and if he didn't get up, he'd have to do laps around the pool until high noon or something. Rico promptly got out of bed and looked for something to quickly bore him, so he started to rummage through Kowalski's things; maybe he'd have some lengthy over-analysis on something that would bore him to sleep.

Eventually, Rico found Kowalski's notebook. Apparently, it was a sketchbook. Nothing but pictures. Then Rico found a flaw in his plan: if it had been a notebook he wouldn't have been able to read it, but he discarded that thought and flipped through the pages of Kowalski's drawings. They were really immaculate, for someone with a flipper drawing with an over-sized pencil, like he was a professional. There was no real theme to the sketchbook, he was just drawing things that he'd seen before with a few diagrams here or there. Rico kept flipping through the sketchbook until he saw a picture of 'Slippy' the penguin. Rico started to guffaw but quickly quieted down to chuckling. He'd almost forgotten Private 'rise to stardom', he seems so at place with that though...Oh, well. His place was with the other penguins, getting sucked completely into the zoo life would compromise the mission. Though after that picture, there was nothing else left until he noticed something at the back of the sketchbook. It was a picture of Rico, smiling with that slightly crazy smile, drawn with the utmost care. Rico blushed; not even when he looked in the mirror that he thought his scar looked good to himself. Regaining composure, Rico quickly turned the page and found another portrait for himself, and another, and another. Promptly, the scarred penguin closed the book of Kowalski's drawings and put it back in it's place, waddling back to bed.

Rico hid his face to try to hide the fact that he was blushing; if anything it was making it worse. He didn't even know why Kowalski chose him to be his model. Private is much more cute than he was, Skipper had this professionalism to him and surely Kowalski could have drawn himself. Why Rico? He had the scar. The scar had been there for as long as he could remember. He had always been made fun of for it in the past being so big, obvious and ugly. Rico was shut out from most penguins and just stopped trying to talk to people. It was too much of a pain to get yelled at for trying to fit in, and eventually he became mute. Rico was shocked when he realized he couldn't chirp, but slowly and surely he found a way to talk from his gut to speak. It was painful but at least he had a voice again.

Back to reality, Rico still didn't 100% believe what he saw. Multiple portraits of himself by Kowalski. For his personal sanity, Rico thought of himself as 'above average' at best, but someone clearly saw him as much more. Not to mention he didn't remember posing for Kowalski to draw him...but the tall genius was always 'taking notes' and 'making calculations' all the time.

Rico decided to not dwell on it or else he wouldn't get any sleep. Though, Rico did think it might be some test of sorts.

Or it wasn't.


	2. Skipper's Punishment

All the penguins were sound asleep in their holes in the walls, peacefully in slumber when suddenly, Skipper's eyes snapped open as he hopped out of bed and commanded, "Rise and shine, boys!", Private popped up with his cheer, "Mornin', Skippa'!", but after that it was silence. The leader looked up to see that Kowalski and Rico were still sleeping. Skipper didn't take kindly to that.

"Well, isn't this just peachy. Darnit, we have a schedule to keep to and Kowalski is the only one who knows how to work around the schedule. Private, wake up Kowalski and Rico and tell them to meet me up top.", growled Skipper.

"Uh, what're ya' gonna do to them Skippa'?", asked Private in fright.

Skipper looked back with an wicked smile and said, "Don't worry your pretty little head, Private. They'll survive.", he then patted Private's head and proceeded to the exhibit. Private nervously gulped and was glad he was free from whatever Skipper was cooking up and to make sure that was true he quickly went to wake up Rico.

Rico was giggling very lightly, an odd sight for the naive penguin and now that he did he, the youthful birdy felt a bit guilty because of Rico and Kowalski's soon to be fate. "'Ey, Rico. Wake up.", Private shook the scarred penguin awake, semi-gently. Rico slowly opened his eyes from a peaceful zen state to one of unimaginable horror. The psycho hopped out of bed and as he landed on his sleep-addled legs, which buckled causing him to roll into their stitched together bowling pin training dummies, thus dazing himself slightly. "Guess 'e knows what's up now." , as Private moved onto Kowalski's side.

"Nnnngh...science states that...non-repeatable, spontaneous, and unreasonable actions...isn't scientific...unless there's something stating the otherwise...", mumbled Kowalski in his sleep which temporarily stupefied Private, but he brushed it off and continued to wake up Kowalski.

"Kowalski, wake up, you're late.", urged Private to Kowalski.

"Five more minutes, please. The isotopes are near finalization..." , the genius said in his sleep.

Private sighed and then violently shook Kowalski finally waking him. The analyst looked around, "Where's Skipper?"

"Up top, waitin' for you and Rico.", Private still hadn't a clue what was going on, he'd never disobey Skipper, though Rico and Kowalski's reaction just made that just a little more true.

Kowalski looked down in dread, "Oh, right. Private, go on ahead. I'll get Rico". Private scooted along to Skipper's side. Kowalski carried Rico over his shoulder heading up top but since the storage compartment always had at least three items inside of him, one of which usually being explosives, he slowly trudged towards punishment as Rico slowly regained his conscienceness, looked around and then proceeded to struggle fiercely in Kowalski's flippers, as he tried to reason with him, "Rico, calm down. If you run away from punishment again, I can't ensure that Skipper will forgive you. The best thing to do now is face straight forward and look this straight in the eye! However impossible that saying is."

Rico calmed down, but to more of a weak shiver. He didn't really finish the last punishment, Rico just got real lucky that day. Back in the motherland, the North Pole, the last trial Skipper put him through was for him to bring back a seal's head. At first he laughed like a maniac thinking that Skipper actually had a sense of humor, but when he saw that Skipper's expression didn't change, he realized how serious Skipper was. After a few wasted attempts to get out of it: Pleading. Bargaining. Abandonment. Which didn't work out because Kowalski tracked him down to the centimeter, Rico waddled toward his doom into the water. A couple minutes passed and there were no seals to be found. He might of considered this fortunate if he hadn't needed something to acquire something from the aforementioned. After some failed attempt of baiting even one seal he took a break in an ice cavern with giant icicles. Rico marveled at the sight, however dangerous, the icicles were glistening with a brilliant shine from the wind and sun. The scarred penguin decided to enjoy the good view for awhile; no need to rush through life in his eyes. Just enjoy the moment, ya' know?

Meanwhile when Rico was gaping at the frozen display, a seal slowly skulked up from the water . The seal thought he might have wasted his chance to get a bite in, but his meal didn't move. So he inched closer and closer, the seal was a foot away when he made a crack in the floor which proceeded to make a sharp echo throughout the cave. Rico turned around to see a hungry seal's maw wide open. The penguin darted away, but with all the baiting he was trying to do, he had worn himself out, just barely missing his predator's teeth by a hair. Rico tried to get out of there, sadly he was too fatigued. The seal got up and smirked at the meal he had so easily cornered. As he leaned down to get closer, he said, "I wish you wouldn't tense up. The ones that're scared are always so grisly...". That's when something in Rico snapped because the next scene he couldn't move his feet at all. How tired he was. His previous fear of this mission to begin with. It had all caught up with him. Throat tightening. Breathing quickening. Heartbeat spiking. He was going to...die. He didn't want to think it, but how was he going to get you of this one? Suddenly, a large icicle came down, decapitating the seal and after the watery guillotine came down it sent the head forward with it's jaw open towards Rico. He saw the head coming at him and decided at the very least to give this guy a violent case of indigestion, so he jumped up reached for the tonsils and as Rico heard the jaw close shut the penguin saw the other side of the cave. After the initial shock of being alive, settled down to a mere hurrah, the scarred penguin rolled out of the seal's head and took in the scene. Rico was taken back for awhile, but he got his leggings after awhile and noticed the grim scene before him and noticed the seal's head was available, cheered and took it without a second thought.

As he returned to camp with seal head in tow and still covered in blood and seal saliva, Kowalski looked on in disbelief, "This by far is the least likely thing to happen on the widest margin and variables. I-I-I have to check the math again. This is statistically improbable!".

Skipper honestly thought he was a goner, though he only challenged the recruit to things he himself had already done. "Well, good job Rico, it seems you're luck is greater than any leprechaun's. Hopefully when the time comes you'll help up with 'Operation : Irish Gold'.", and Skipper patted him on the shoulder and ordered Rico to sleep on a job well done, while the flat headed penguin and Kowalski stayed up to discuss things further.

"The boy's a psycho, plain and simple.", Skipper said. "...but he got the job done. We also might need his brute force in the future. What do you thin-".

Kowalski sharply interrupted, not making eye contact. ,"He's a menace to society and a danger to himself and everyone around him. We should find someone else."

"Hey. Egghead. Calm down. We can mold him. Into a better penguin. Into a brilliant penguin! And I'm not going to let you make us pass up this opportunity.", Skipper sounded like he had found the perfect recruit. One that had the potential and just needed to be molded. ,"Just a couple of runthroughs of protocol and a month or two of training and he'll be good to go."

Kowalski growled a bit, still looking down. ,"Alright, but under one condition."

"What?"

"If for any reason he goes on a rampage, you have to give me the go-ahead to execute him.", Kowalski boldly declared, looking him dead in the eye.

Skipper was surprised to see this side of his subordinate. ,"...Understood, but I'm telling you, that kind of brute force is what we need"

But it wasn't brute force, it was dumb luck and it didn't help that Rico kept having nightmares about the dead seal that woke him occasionally. The scarred penguin was sort of glad himself and the other got captured and sent to the zoo, there he learned that drinking alcohol before prevented dreaming. On the other hand Rico did like dreaming, but dreams more often than he liked turned into nightmares so he took up that habit, but that didn't matter, because after that event Rico swore to himself to always be the most intimidating and threatening force to his enemies. Though Rico had something else even more so intimidating to worry about.

"Rico? RICO! Pay attention or else I'm gonna make this that much harder.", Skipper barked bringing Rico back from his flashback, which meant that it was about to begin.

"So, Skipper what do you have planned for Rico and I?", questioned Kowalski.

Skipper raised a brow, "You seem confident Kowalski. What's the occasion?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just Rico accomplished this with a smile last time. How difficult could you make this?...No offense."

The commando squinted harshly at Kowalski before revealing the agonizing task, "Well then, I hope this won't break your protractor, smart guy, because the task is sneaking into Joey's pen after hours. For 6 hours."


	3. Prep Time is Fun Time

Rico and Kowalski looked back at each other questioningly. Skipper knew not telling the boys about the incident with King Julien and the kangaroo was a good idea. Not only did it put Skipper in the 'Got saved by Ringtail' category, he knew he could have left this one as a surprise for the future.

"Breaking and entering? Sounds simple enough, but I'm sure you've done something to make this feasibly impossible.", said Kowalski doubting the words of Skipper.

"Nope.", said the commando smirking, "I can honestly say that I have not and will not interfere with this. Aside from the fact that it's my punishment it's as simple as that. Now clearly the two of you can't do this with the tourists around so this will begin a midnight making the your exit time 0600 hours, Comprendé?"

The scarred penguin wildly nodded as Kowalski gave a less then convinced 'Yessir'. Rico took this at face value and saw this as a lucky break, while the analyst was still hesitant to accept Skipper's honesty about the situation, but he had no time to react as Skipper continued, "Now you know the mission briefing. It'd be wise for the two of you to rest up and get ready before this afternoon's meet and greet. No need to compromise the mission now.", Skipper said chuckling, as if forgetting the harshness of the situation. Kowalski was slightly taken back, but just went to the lab to find something that would facilitate the oncoming trial and to prepare for...unforseen variables of a certain penguin. Skipper sighed as he saw the genius go to his little cave. The commando just prefered it when he was improvise with whatever he could get his hands on, but now that Kowalski had a base of operations, his obesession with the sciences truly showed and Skipper wasn't about to get caught up with anything this early in the morning, "I'm going for a walk to stretch off this morning stiffness."

"Mind if I go with you Skippa'? It's been awhile since we skulked around.", The naive penguin didn't catch the mood of the situation, but to his defense, Private did see it as an opportunity to squeeze out as much information about this punishment from Skipper without getting it himself, though Skipper only saw this as his childish nature surfacing.

"Sure, Private. Just remember the rendezvous is at 1200 hours.", and with that the commando headed out the door with his apprentice close behind.

Kowalski had called Rico to be in his lab with him. Alone. Rico was immediately uncomfortable, but Kowalski broke the silence. "Alright, Rico, no need for us to worry. Between the two of us, hanging around another animal's pen will be a piece of cake. We'll just need to gather essentials: fish, your stomach filled with assorted items of your choice, and my notebook. You and I will go through this like this zoo lousy excuse for security.". Scarface's ear canals focused on the word 'notebook'. Rico's couldn't help, but blush. Though he had no real proof that Kowalski was drawing the portraits out of any affection for him. It's not like there were hearts on his pictures, and he didn't check to see if the others were subjects as well. Clearly another peek would solve everything, but the more he looked the more he could get caught, or become needlessly more enamored, though doing nothing would be maddening. "Rico, pay attention. I'd rather not want to repeat this new move I've come up with.", said Kowalski pointing to a diagram that was easily overcomplicated, "This is perfect for you. Especially since your odd set of fears make you immune to the terribly awkward aspects of this. Please, listen to me.", he would have appreciated the neediness in Kowalski's voice even more if his daydreaming hadn't left him completely lost...again.

"Now then, I have this new device which can reach temperatures that can auto-ignite most explosives.", Kowalski said as he held up a large dumbbell. The psycho looked on perplexed, but then the demonstration answered all of his questions. As the genius held up the dumbell he swung it to reveal a lance and thrusted it backward to expose an extended handle. "Behold! THE SOLARIS 2000! A lance capable of hitting two thousand degrees farenheit! Equipped with a built-in extendable shield and a space age heatsink cooling fan handle at maximum capacity without the user so much as getting sweaty palms! The power of the sun! RIGHT IN THE TIPS OF OUR WINGS!", Kowalski said with absolute vigor with a bit of insanity, as Rico looked at the madman, but he finally understood why he was feeling conflicted about the genius to begin with. He was so much like Kowalski, but in his own way. Admittingly Rico himself was loose in the head and to be on this team you had to be at least a little, but only he and Kowalski were dangerously insane. The tall penguin had delved into the human's sciences pretty well, but sometimes he would appear to be so far gone and come back so easily. Rico wanted to make sure that he'd never lose Kowalski, not until Rico was sure that he felt the same way. Rico knocked the heat lance out of the insane one's wing, put his wings on his shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.

Kowalski calmed down from his insanity rush eventually, but not until he realized his position, he stammered a bit before saying, "Uh, Rico? What are you-", and that was all he could get out before Rico hugged him tightly. Kowalski was less than feeling the love at this moment, seeing his new invention on the ground; he quickly broke the embrace and rushed to the microscopically damaged device Kowalski inspected with his pocket microscope. "Look, I know you're concerned, but if it entails damaging my projects then I'd rather you not.", he looked it over and calmed down. ,"but thanks I guess. Anyway if you run out any fire source this'll be a nice back up". Rico heard this and nodded to signal that he understood. He then opened his mouth and motioned for Kowalski to put it in his mouth. Kowalski had trained Rico to do this when they were alone, mostly so that he didn't hurt himself, but Kowalski had grown to...appreciate this little activity between them. He retracted the Solaris 2K and put the first end on Rico's tongue and slowly slid it forward. Rico groaned a bit, it was a bit bigger than he anticipated, but he could handle it. The analyst proceeded to move it forward. During this time Rico could barely breathe and his face was becoming red and he was suffocating slightly, needingly prompting Kowalski to put it in deeper.

The genius could end it here. All of his worries about him snapping and finishing off everybody he could just end his worrying and stop it here, but it's too soon. ,"Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you could breathe!", and then he proceeded to slide in the rest of the Solaris. Suddenly Rico caught the end of Kowalski's wing with his beak. The smart guy had dread running through his veins. Had he finally caught on and about to catch the sharp edge of a of what he thought was a dull knife?

Rico took Kowalski's wing out of his beak and began to lick it with care with his head down. "Sorry...", Kowalski was starting to doubt his fears. Only a bit. Ever so slightly.

Meanwhile, Skipper and Private were making rounds around the zoo, although Private was having a hard time keeping up. "Skippa'! Could we slow down a bit?", whined Private.

"Come on, Private, look alive! We've barely started."

Mr. Naive was gasping for breath, "I think 30 laps in a couple of minutes is still beyond me, sir."

Skipper sighed. For someone who was so skilled and determined, he sure is a baby. "Alright, alright. Go rest under that bench and I'll get you some water from a nearby exhibit.", though since Skipper was so determined to attempt to break the speed of sound, he had lost track of where he was, right infront of the lemur exhibit. "Rotten Barnacles. I'm in Julien's territory. I'd better split before-"

"Hello, neighbor!", exclaimed an all too familiar catchphrase of a certain kingly lemur. All Skipper could do is sigh. "What are you to be doing here at MY kingly habitat so early in the morning, my stinky fish friend?"

Skipper could have taken evasive action, but the lemur had proven that he was slightly better than him when it came to agility. Not too much. Just a little. Enough to rival the commando penguin and win more often than he liked. "Hello, Julie-"

"KING Julien", insisted the lead lemur.

"King Julien. I was wondering if I could borrow a glass of water for Private. He's completely exhausted and-"

King Julien manually closed Skipper's beak, and continued, "Say no more. Maurice! Fetch me a glass of water and get the bad cup. It's for one of the penguins." Maurice complied and quickly got it for him. "There you go, my chubby little friend. Maybe you should consider working out a bit more." Private gave Julien a mean look and returned to under the bench, where he poked his belly with a concerned look.

Skipper would scolded him, but his beak was still under the king's paw. "No need to thank me, simply forgiving me your broken radio will be enough."

The commando's swatted away the paw clamping his beak together,"You're forgiven"

The king was offset by this. The routine was off. "What is this with the 'so easily forgiving me'?"

"Believe it or not, I have bigger fish to fry"

"Oh, of course. Frying bigger fish than me would be of the more higher importance to you. Go on about your busy-ness."

"That's not what I meant—Nevermind. After Private recovers I'll be on my way."

"You know, you don't HAVE to be in a hurry.", as the lemur inched over, lowering his voice, whispering into his ear, "You could be accompanying me on my bouncy."

Skipper did have a secret appreciation for Julien's bouncy, but that wasn't why he was stammering now, "L-Look, as much as I'd love to stay, I'm quite busy."

"Oh, is that being the truth? Because I thought you and the chubby one down there were racing around...having fun."

"We were doing morning exercises. Nothing more."

"But don't all four of you tend to do that at the same time? What is happening?"

"Sorry, that's classified information."

"Oh, just like the time we were in Joey's pen?", Skipper scolded King Julien, but he didn't take any mind to it. "Right. Keep it on the hush-hush. Geez, I don't see why you're so secrety about this. It's not like anything you didn't like happened. Well aside from Joey's beatings."

Skipper turned away, looking sad. "Julien. It's just that...I'm not ready to be as open about this as you are, but...it doesn't mean I don't feel the same way."

The lemur king smiled and embraced Skipper from the back,"I am respecting that. Which is why I haven't even told Maurice or Mort. As long as I have you I'll be complete, be it messing with you or _messing_ with you."

The commando blushed a bit before coughing. ,"Good to hear. So...do you wanna meet up at 2100 hours?"

"Errrrrrr..."

"When the big hand is at 12 and the small hand is at 9 when it's dark."

"Okie-dokie, I'll see you then neighbor. Bye-bye!", and Julien proceeded to hop away with that goofy grin of his.

Skipper was temporarily fixated on King Julien when he mumbled, "Until we meet again, my king..."

"What was that Skippa'?"

The commando was actually caught off guard and quickly came up with an answer,"Uh, Unki'il Vermit Acken, Viking"

"Huh?"

"Ya' know, Unki'il Vermit Acken, the Viking. He was a famous viking that terrorizes all of the netherlands. You should really bone up on your Nordic history, you'll learn a thing or two. Well, now that you've rested up let's start sparring."

Private would have seconded guess what he said about that Viking if he wasn't interrupted with a drop kick to the beak. Though it's not his fault for not being ready, sometime you honestly can't guess what he might do.


	4. No Questions, No Answers

_GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!_

1200 hours; high noon. The zoo has opened. All sorts of people storming in; young, old, quick, unbearably slow. And why not? The animals there are really exciting, energetic and adorable. The otters and lemurs were entertaining but, the penguins certainly the main attraction by far.

"Alright, team. A bit of a mix up from the usual. When we start pairing it'll be me and Private, and Kowalski and Rico."

Kowalski stammered almost breaking formation, making Skipper curious. "You okay there, smartguy?"

"No. No, I'm alright, but if I may ask, why ARE we mixing it up, Skipper?"

"Marlene has informed me that the humans think that you and I are mates." Kowalski, Rico, and Private all stopped waving their wings and their eyes shifted to their captain. "Yes, I know. I was equally startled with this information too, but luckily Marlene and I came up with a plan..."

1030 hours

After Marlene delivered the news, Skipper was flabbergasted to silence. "So, I guess you and Kowalski aren't"

"No, we aren't! He's my right hand man and I'm his valiant leader. How could anybody think that me and Kowalski were that close?"

"Weeeeeeell, between the four of you that would be my guess as well."

"...Marlene. Are you telling me you actually sit in your den and let those thoughts cultivate in your mind?"

"What? No. I chat it up with the other zoo animals...", Skipper's face was one great animosity. He clearly didn't like all the gossip floating about of this 'relationship'. "I know it sounds bad, but hear me out. Like you said you and Kowalski are close and when the both of you talk, you also lock eye contact and"

"Also taught Rico and Private to talk like that. Why aren't there any rumors of them?"

"Well, if you haven't noticed, Rico isn't all there so he keeps wandering off or focusing on something else and if he does answer it involves him shaking his head wildly and, I'm not sure if you all are doing it instinctively but the rest of you back away slightly. As for Private, it's obvious he's more of a son to everybody with that naivete."

"From looking out to looking in, it's so clear that you shouldn't be listening to the humans. They are clearly trying to use psychological warfare to lower your confidence in us as respectable defenders of the zoo."

"Or they're making logical decisions based on the evidence you are giving them?"

"Hmm. My idea sounds so much more likely now...", Skipper said with massive assurance as he headed for the exit.

"Well either way if you want the rumors to stop," Skipper was still headed out the door, "AND make the human's intel gathering seem faulty," The commando stopped to listen, "Your going to have to mix it up."

1205 hours

"Well, that was informative, but you aren't insulted that the humans think we're of the homosexual orientation?", quipped Kowalski

"Hardly. Though Private's attempts to look fruity with Rico are clearly being overlooked,", Skipper said disappointingly, "regardless, the point is to compromise any and all the data they might have on us. No hard feelings, Kowalski.", the analyst couldn't roll his eyes hard enough in his mind.

Private couldn't help but giggle when he asked, "Oh, so there's no real reason you wouldn't court any of us, eh', Skippa'?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't say that." Private, Kowalski and Rico were taken back. They thought Skipper was okay with the idea, he was sounding hypocritical. "Actually, I forbid any relationship within this team. The last thing I want is for this team to break apart due to broken hearts.", and there it was. The reason Rico had to be a professional about this. On one hand, Kowalski could be more obsessed than he looks and he might not be able to perform to his desires, though on the other hand Rico might be over-thinking how much, if any, Kowalski might have loved him. A simple question would suffice, but that brought up certain complications. The only time he could probably get a good guage on the analyst was to put the two of them in a highly stressful situation, but with the training Skipper gave them everything just seemed so easy...too easy. A flood of doubt ran over Rico as he thought back on his punishment with Kowalski. He'd have to put his heart aside until this dread he was feeling had gone away. Thankfully, still had some time to skulk around. Rico would have to go through some zoo files while the personnel were still there. This solo-mission would take all of his concentra-

"Rico, are you alright?", asked Private sweetly, "You've been spacing out a lot recently..."

Rico smiled weakly and patted Private on the head, trying to put him at ease, but Private knew there was something was troubling his scarred friend. At least he had a good reason for not telling him anything.

"Now come on, boys. Cute 'n cuddly..."

1045

Skipper thought over Marlene's plan and eventually agreed. ,"That's actually not a bad idea. I mean I was just gunna scramble the computers, make the current employees vanish, and brainwash the animals you've been talking to, but this is so much more simple. Thanks, Marlene."

"Uh, right.", the otter could only sit there stunned that she helped stopped a massive crisis.

The commando was about to leave again before he stopped once more and said, "Anything going on in the rumor mill about King Pain-in-the-tail?"

Marlene thought about it for a while, but ultimately said, "Not really. I mean he has a new black and white feather fan that he absolutely loves and you penguins are the closest source of said feathers, but you guys wouldn't give your feathers to him willingly even if they were molting feathers or something so he must have got it somewhere else. Why'd you ask?"

"I was honestly trying to be more civilian, but now I'm sorry I asked", and then he exited Marlene's habitat and as soon as he was out of earshot Skipper said to himself, "So that's why Julien was plucking my feathers...I thought that crazy lemur was just sadistic. Well, it seems that he's finished his little gift to himself; I'll ask him to stop next time we meet. I can only preen myself so well without proper plummage.". Skipper inspected his tail, where King Julien had been taking most of his feathers and then realized how effeminate he was being about the situation. Thinking to himself the commander thought, "And THAT'S the reason 'Don't ask, don't tell' existed. Oh well, nobody's gunna ask if I don't make it obvious and I'm not gunna tell anybody...and making it a secret just makes it all the sweeter."


	5. Lies always hide something

1300 hours

Rico was outside of the Zoo's office, waiting for the chance to quickly sneak in, get Joey's file and get out. It was better for Rico if he just left after the incident, for the sake of saving himself for even more awkwardness...

1245 hours

Twas' a glorious performance, not a waddle or feather out of place; a stellar performance, almost perfect.

"Rico!", shouted Skipper as his voice resonated with great annoyance, "What was that back there? You kept hesitating throughout the entire routine. Something on your mind?" Wow, Skipper knew how to hit the nail on the head, but regardless of the commando's unintentional bulls-eye, Rico had to keep his commanding officer at bay by regurgitating a bundle of dynamite.

"Kaboom?", he said with his tongue out.

"Oh, Rico, I should have known. We can always blast a few later IF it will calm you down. Pop a few near the lemur exhibit in a bit."

Rico exclaimed with glee, "Yay!".

"NOT demolition explosives. Just really strong fireworks and scatter them about, I want you to spook them."

The scarred one cocked his head to the side, "Huh?"

"Well, It was Julien's turn last time and now it's my tur-"

Skipper's eyes opened in shock as Rico's just raised half of his brow in confusion, but Skipper couldn't let this slide so he grabbed Rico's head and started to put him into a trance.

"You don't remember our conversation."

Almost immediately Rico was lost in Skipper's eyes, "Uh-huh."

"Since today's noon performance we haven't met yet."

"Uh-huh."

Skipper calmed himself because he made it this far in his mental rewiring of Rico's mind, but he couldn't help embellishing himself in his subordinate's head, "My best quality is my fearless leadership."

"Nuh-uh. Stubborn."

The commando frowned a bit before continuing, "...Aw, what do you know? Now when I slap you, you will have a burning urge to disturb the lemurs."

"OK."

"Good.", and with that Skipper smacked Rico back to his good graces, "I believe you were going somewhere Rico?", the scarred penguin sat there for a bit, rubbing his face from an unknown pain then something came to Rico's mind and he then he started to collect 'miscellaneous' items, swallowed some of the item while carrying some explosives and snuck outside.

After that embarrassing slip of the tongue Skipper thought to himself that he'd have to be more careful in the future. The commando noticed his analyst and waddled to Kowalski's side, "Hey, you saw Rico gather all that stuff, right?"

"As enthralling as it was to watch, yes.", Kowalski said quietly licking his beak.

"What do you figure he's going to do with all of that? All that stuff was random and hardly related to each other."

"Well, Skipper there is a difference between randomized and loosely associated."

"Intriguing. So, any idea?"

"Not a one,", the commando was not amused, "but I'm sure there's a reason he swallowed two hairpins, a credit card, a frayed fireworks fuse, a rubber-band and a jumbo paper clip while carrying 5 matches."

1337 hours

Granted, Rico's exit could have been more subtle being trained in stealth and all, but there are sometimes you just need to leave a situation and proper manners won't let you. Now memory lapses aside, he had to start up his distraction.

Rico spit up the large paper clip and the rubber-band, cut the rubber-band and made a weak, but suitable bow, then he struck a match lit and aimed towards the middle of the frayed fireworks fuse which was now integrated with the all the fireworks he had, set up around the lemur exhibit; he had a fiery passion to bug them today, hopefully it would pass.

First match, aiming, and GO!...The match came up short and fell more to the right than he expected. The two true enemies of archers; wind and user error, and thankfully he brought more than one match. Second match, aiming...Alice came into view. Despite her demeanor, she was onto Rico and the gang more than anyone else and he couldn't have her snooping around...

"Alice, what's going on? You're supposed t' be at the monkey habitat by now!"

"Look, I'm telling you something fishy's going on around here."

"Seriously, Alice, you gotta leave those penguins alone and even if they were up to something, they're penguins, how important could it be?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out!"

"Whatever. Jus' take care of the monkeys first.", and the communication feed was cut.

"I know I'm hot on their trail, and soon enough I'll be on fire...Is that smoke?", and sure enough she was right. Rico lit her pants on fire which forced her to run around like a maniac. Good times.

Alright. Third match. Aiming and GO!...Bullseye. Now all Rico has to do is wait for the fireworks to go off in 3...2...1...

1332 hours

Meanwhile at the Lemur exhibit, King Julien was looking longingly at the clock tower ever so eagerly waiting for his date with Skipper, tapping his foot impatiently when his man-servant came upon this scene, "King Julien, are you alright? You seem-"

"Glowing with kinglyness?", the regal lemur said playing his usual facade, but something was still off to Maurice.

"I was going to say anxious. Waiting for something?"

"Oh, Maurice. So worrisome. So not being fanned right now."

Maurice sighed, and picked up the fan and immediately gave the fan to Mort. "Now will you tell me what you are thinking about?", he said with a stern, concerned look on his face.

Julien saw this and quickly turned away, as much as he was an actor, your understudy can always tell when you just aren't feeling it. "I sort of can't, promised not to tell and all that.", Julien slowly looked back and saw someone that was truly hurting since he was used to being so close him and then when he tossed Mort aside he looked up at Maurice's insulted face, "GAH! Maurice, PLEASE! I already feel stinky for holding this from you. Don't give me the 'STINKEYE'! I'll tell you when I tell you..."

"You can't tell me? Your forever loyal subject?"

"Forever! I am believing there was one time you ignored me inside of that ca-me-ra until you made me beg pathetic-like!"

"What?"

"Oh, don't worry Maurice, I forgive you for being so stubborn. Now if you'll excuse I'll go back to looking at the Sky Spirits for blessing me...with Mort fanning me to make sure I don't my luxurious fur is to be matted with my kingly sweat...with Mort fanning me-...Oh, right. Well, until he gets back...", The king gestured between the fan and Maurice.

"Oh, you still trust me to fan you?"

"Well, of course, silly. What are you going to be doing with it anyway? Be all feather tickly with it?"

The king's butler of sorts proceeded to fan King Julien as he started to look over the fan he was holding, "Did we always have this black and white fan? I don't remember making it or this being back in Madagascar..."

In truth the Julien made this fan with Skipper's feathers, playfully plucking them every other time they met, but Maurice couldn't know that, "Really? It was one of my many regal gifts back in the homeland. It's actually really nice; it has a nice scent to it...". King Julien didn't think about it the fact that the last sentence would prompt Maurice to sniff at the fan, though he had been sleeping with the fan on the days without Skipper, the fan just smelled like him luckily.

"Oh. Well, nice to know that I can be a bearer of such a valued item and NOTHING more..."

"Maurice. For true seriousness. As soon as I can be telling anybody you'll be the first to hear it from my regal lips. C'mon, Triple pinky swear.", if you could believe it, at the time, Maurice attempted to look as if he was accepting this begrudgingly, but that infectious attitude of his always brought a grin to his face at the end of the day, and hastily afterward King Julien shifted to his kingly persona,"Now, then we should probably be finding Mort him not being here is throwing off my mojo...Wait. New plan, let's not waste my time. Maurice! Paint my profile from the back. I just feel _explosive_ with my kingitude today for some reason...Are you hearing a hissing sound, Maurice?"

KABOOM!


	6. Kowalski's Concoction

A rumble shook through the penguin habitat as Kowalski painstakingly worked on a super top secret project, nothing big, but then again the genius had a time machine as a side project. Thought none of this ran through Private's head as he walked up to the Kowalski's dwelling in search of something that might make Skipper spill the beans. "'Ey, Kowalski. Whatcha' workin' on?"

Flustered, Kowalski accidentally spilled two chemicals which caused a small explosion incinerating his super top secret project. "Uuuuh, nothing apparently..."

"Oh,...Was it for Doris?"

"Uh, yeah. Doris...", Kowalski had forgotten how easy it was to lie when other people made excuses for you. Honestly, it was for Rico and the upcoming punishment; another 'leash' to keep him in check, but the analyst knew that getting Private curious about the punishment in the first place was the last thing Skipper wanted. "So now that I have all the time in the world, why did you barge in here like that?"

"Sorry about, spookin' ya.", Private scratched the back of his head wondering if there was a better way to say the following question,"You wouldn't happen to 'ave a truth potion of sorts, would you?"

"Of course. Though why do you want it? Do you think someone if fabricating their honesty with you?"

"Oh, no, I'm just, uh, gonna use it for some self-reflection?"

"Hmm, that does seem logical. Still, I probably shouldn't let you have it. The truthicator is on it's 27th batch and I totally went two steps back on that batch."

"I jus' need ta' borrow it for a bit.", protested Private.

"Alright, alright, but for future reference sign the following documents.", Kowalski flipped through his notebook and showed him where to sign,"Here, here, aaaaand here. Now when you're done I expect a full report if you're alive.", muttered Kowalski at the end.

"What?"

"I said 'I expect a full report'. Now move along, I have a a super top secret project to reconstruct.", and with that said Private left with a vial of Kowalski's 'Truthicator'. Though to be frank, Private had second thoughts and Kowalski didn't make things any better. He could use this to get the information he wanted, but he might get slapped with the punishment as well, though one can only blissfully ignorant for so long. And so he decided to go through with it. At least he'd have Kowalski and Rico to back him up.

The young penguin devised a brilliant plan. All he had to do was make his famous 'Love Smoothies' and mix in some of the truth potion, though he didn't know what the potion tasted like and he didn't need to blab his feelings to Skipper anymore than usual so he made the 'True Love Smoothies' and offered one to Skipper while fake-nursing another to keep Skipper from being suspicious. Hook, line and sinker. Now Private was in the perfect position to start interrogating him, but then he thought he was in the perfect position to ask him anything.

"What do you think about Kowalski, Rico, the other zoo animals and myself Skippa'?", Private took a stab at knowing his Skipper's mental workings. If he had time to ask another question he would, but he'd rather know about him socially to know him better as a penguin.

The commando tilted his head in curiosity, "Well, my opinion of them haven't changed much. Kowalski is still invasive, socially speaking and Rico...I just can't read him and that's what bugs me. And for the rest of the animals, they're like children I need to protect all the time. It's kinda tiresome to be honest, but if i didn't protect them I'd just feel guilty so...ya' know. Gotta be everyone's defender, right? And there's someone here I really want to protect now..."

The naive penguin tilted his head in even more curiosity, I mean what could exceed the welfare of his fellow penguins?, "Are you talking about me, Skippah?"

"What? No.", Skipper chuckled to himself. "I'm talking about Ringtail. He's just...so ill prepared for civilised society. For city society. And I want to make sure that he can survive and at this point it seems like the only way he'll get along is if I hold his hand through it all and...I don't really mind personally. Behind closed doors he's rather naive. Moreso than you Private, but don't worry", the commando said as he patted Private's head and carressed the side of his beak tenderly, making Private blushed lightly. "As long as I'm here, I'll make sure you're ready to take on anything. Especially myself, if need be.", he trailed of with the last sentence solemnly

Slightly confused, Private responded, "Oh, Skippah, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry. Each time I brush of my honest opinion of someone to you, it puts me to shreds; I would have told you eventually, Private. You're really underestimating how guilty if feel sometimes.", Skipper chuckled to himself as he rubbed the glass before him.

And Private as well was torn apart like a rabid dog's chew toy. He had taken Skipper as this super top secret guy for so long he didn't trust him. So, as personal repentance, he started chugging down his own love smoothie. "Gah, that's horrendously tart. Why di'n't you say anythin', Skippah?"

"Well, I just find it easier on myself to not insult you about your cutesyness. Just thought you were trying a new recipe and it wasn't half bad."

Private could only pout at why Skipper held his tongue. "Anyway, would you like ta' know about me?"

"Why do you have that British accent? Sure, it makes you just that much cuter but-"

"You think I'm cute?"

"Well, yeah.", Skipper blushed, but to make things less awkard he said,"Then again I think of cute as 'innocent' and 'accident prone'.", to Skippers praise, the truth potion had finally worn off.

"And now for something completely different: Ma' bri'ish accent origin. I was raised under the royalty of Britain. By the Queen 'erself, no less. Sadly, she only saw taking care of me as a passing fancy and put me up for adoption. So, yeah, um, after that, I guess the adoption went through and I wound up 'ere, at the zoo and, like, a week after that you guys came. Sorry, I'd tell ya' more, but I don't recall much really..."

"That's alright. I think we learned more than enough about each other for one day, but before you go, would you ever call me 'stubborn'?"

"Not really, but if anything you tend to be 'painfully straightforward'.", Private trickled out as he waddled off leaving his commander to his own thoughts and his personal tape recorder.

"Status report: Team is in complete dissarray. Rico's a loose cannon, Kowalski is obsessed with said cannon to a lethal extent and Private is acting to his own accord. Not to mention it's been difficult to bring him out of his childlike phase. At first I thought it was a good idea to have him around to raise morale but he's actually pretty resourceful when need be. Or when he wants to be. Note to self: Ask Kowalski to make a weapon for me without him being suspicious. I'll have to pander to his nerd mind, but it's possible..."

Elsewhere, Rico had successfully picked the locks of the door to the main office by using the credit card to disable the locked knob and by lock-picking the dead bolt with the two pins from earlier, though Rico sighed when he got in, he remembered the good old days when breaking a lock involved dynamite, but this is a delicate operation to retrieve some information on a fellow zoo-mate, pleasantries would have to wait.

The scarred penguin scanned the room, not sure where to find this info he so desperately seeked; information gathering wasn't his best quality. Then he started to flip through some of the folders on a nearby desk, though that barely helped words and numbers were lost to Rico. Suddenly, he kicked all of the papers to the floor, it was hopeless, it'd be impossible for him to locate the documents he needed. Growing with rage that a simple thing was holding him back, he headbutted a file cabinet, making one cabinet to open. Rico settled down, pouting in his frustration, as a familiar scent came to mind. Polaroid pigment. Rico's eyes shot open, knowing that smell meant pictures, and so he dived into the cabinet and looked among the folders until he found a folder filed with pictures of Joey. Mission: Complete. Took the entire folder and headed back, all stealthy like, to the habitat with goofy grin on his face.


	7. Private's Love Affair

Private is cute. Naive. Easily led astray. And in this probably moreso than anything else. It's n ot his fault, he just believe people are honest first and foremost. Though between social decency and joking around he often catches himself in a laughably awkward position. It's...sad really, but Private is learning, right? After all these years he's learning, right?

The naive penguin worked his way to Marlene's pen for a surgically invasive interrogation, though he wasn't the best person in the zoo to do this, but dammit he has questions and she has the answers and he wanted them no matter what.

"Oh. Hey, Private. What's up, cutey?"

Private was caught off guard terribly and started to stutter out of flusteration. "W-w-w-what? M-Marlene? I...uh..."

"Loosen up, Private. You know who I really find attractive...Don't tell me. Somebody you like called you 'cute' today, right? Ohmigosh. Who is it?", Marlene question.

"God, Marlene! You are the worst gossip in every sense of the word...", Private blushed and turned away, "but, if you NEED to know you can't tell anybody or I'll hate you for everty-eva, understand?", looking at her with a fierce look that Marlene had never seen before.

"Oh...OH. You really care about this person...Alright, promise I won't tell meet anybody. An otter's promise.", she said as Marlene crossed her heart, signifying a promise.

Private figdeted and poked his wings together until he quietly said. "...Skipper". Marlene's eye lit up and she squealed about this with vigor. She ran up and hugged Private with extreme vigor, leaving him at least a bit confused. "M-Marlene?..."

"I'm sorry, but I was starting to think that you Marine penguins didn't have any heart to you and then you come along and...I have hope for all of you yet."

Private pushed Marlene away as he tried to keep a firm demeanor. ,"Don't treat me like a child. I'm not that much younger than you, ya' know...", his voice sounding infinitely more firm than usual. "Besides he wouldn't care for this information. It would mess with team integrity and whatnot. But...", Private looked over to Marlene with those sad familiar eyes, "if you want to talk about it some more, I wouldn't mind, but you seriously can't talk about it to anybody! Skipper might...m-might kick me out of the team so...Um. Yeah. Don't say anything...please." Marlene didn't say anything, but she shook her head and petted on the head. Private felt ignored as he previously said to not treat him as a neophyte, but it made him feel better. It made him feel right. His blood rushed to his face as to signify...No. NO. NONONO. He just realized that he...but this is probably for the best. "I'll see you later then."

"Right. It's a date."

Private quickly turned away because he knew he would blush and just waved to her, waddling away, cutely, leaving Marlene to wave back and sit there alone. Waiting for him to come back with good news.

As that scene took place Rico took the files he had and smacked them down infront of Kowalski on his desk with a stupidly happy look on his face, a look that the thoughtful bird took as a incredibly unnerving. "GAH! Don't do that! You know how much that freaks me out. Bad Rico. BAD!", Kowalski said pushing the scarred one's face out of his. Rico could only giggle because the flightless thing he kinda admired from a distance was actually touching him. A bit creepy, he knew, but the proper response to somebody inches away from you isn't to push them away. Rather gently as Kowalski seemed to be doing, but Kowalski was calming down and noticed the pictures of Joey on the floor. "Peculiar...you took this from the zoo's confidential files, right?" Rico nodded his head wildly in approval as Kowalski smacked him kind of fiercely, as the genius looked at him with a possibly overly frustrated look. An insane look possibly. ,"You REALIZE that now that we have this file we have to get info from this and PUT IT BACK before the zoo officials notice and thoroughly investigate our PEN?!", Kowalski gently holds Rico's wing, caressing it gently and before Rico can counter, the pencil jockey crushes the psycho's wing with incredible force. So much so that his wing can't gather enough force to do anything, "Listen. We are going to Mason and Phil's pen to see what it says.", and as he tighten his grips, making Rico squawk slightly, "And then we will put this back and clean up the scene so that our presence is unnoticable." , Kowalski pecks Rico a bit roughly on the edge of his beak where his scar is. "Finally you will sit in my lab until Skipper's Punishment comes around. Understood?", Rico nodded meekly as he started to gather everything working his way towards the Primate's pen with the analyst following shortly after.

"Dat pyscho penguin is really been getting on my nerves.", Julien said as he almost finished cleaning up his fur with his neck and hips unfinished. "I...kinda like this look to being honest, thought, I swear, if my kingly fur is damaged in anyway I'll...where's my fan?", the Kingly Lemur said with great concern.

Maurice rolled his eyes, "Okay, what's up? We get shocked asunder and you're thinking of something that isn't yourself? Where did you really get that fan? I'm positive that you didn't have it before we left Madagascar now."

King Julien was caught in a lie. He needed to say something to avoid it because of his promise to Skipper but, his loyal servant for years...or at least it wasn't for him to decide what to say about the situation. "Alright, alright, alright. You've broken me. I'll let you in on the whole deal, but I can't tell you what's going", the loyal servant grimaced at that statement, "BUT. but I CAN bring you to who told me to be silent. After I explain the situation I'm sure whoever was sneaky-sneakity to make such a pact with me will understand and tell you everything."

The servant was still sketchy of the situation. What could make him deny his subject of such truths? The threat of his life? The threat of his livelyhood? The threat of...his subjects? He had to know. Whatever was bearing such ill will against his subject must be dealt with to the best of his ability. "Cool, cool. Just as long as I'm in on what's going on. I really can't deal with being out of the circle. Especially if it's to your detriment."

"What now?", King Julien questioned, honestly confused as to what he said.

Maurice chuckled before saying, "Especially if it's makes you feel bad.", the lemur proceeded to lead him out of his cage. Literally and figuratively. "C'mon. Which way to the guy who's making you act this way?", Maurice stretched his paw, as if preparing for a fight.

"Please.", Julien said as he put his and on his loyal subject's pugilistic paws. "This is a more...sensitive issue than you imagine. Let's just see what Skipper has to say about this. Maybe he can be helping us."

"And maybe you can be helping me. As you say rather.", Private interjected., "If you don't mind.", the youngling said as cutely as possible to convince at least one of them.

The loyal subject interjected physically before Julien pushed him out of the way. "Don't be rude, Maurice. We're not on a realistic timeline with the person making me feel funny, we have time for neighbors.", the King said as he pulled him off away from Maurice who couldn't be as agile as Julien and Private combined.

"So. What is up the most roundiest penguin I've seen?", Julien said with a sigh of relief, not being interrogated and all.

Private squirmed a bit at the content of that question, but he proceeded to start to ask his questions about a certain subject. One that made him squirm easily. "Have you ever been...in...love...before-Oh god what am I saying? Nevermind, I didn't want to bother you-", as the greenhorn recieved a very deep hug upon his back from Julien, who proceeded to toss him about a bit.

"Oh little Penguin. How cute of you to say something of that nature, but I am being sorry I can't return your feelings for me as I'm involved and-"

"Now, hold on a minute! I'm not in love with you! I'm in love with...", then the tiny gears in Private's head started to work on the last thing Julien said. "Wait. Who ARE you involved with. No female in this zoo is interested in you."

It didn't really affect him, but that statement being put out in the public like that...Julien just couldn't handle it, loosening his grip on Private. "...It is nice to be aware-ing of that. So, what is it you are wanting to talk about? Love, is it?"

"Um, yeah. I'm not exactly experienced with it, but I figure somebody from not around here might have something to say on the subject. If you don't mind telling that is."

Julien was familar with this feeling, but only recently, so to respect Skipper's wishes he had to make it appear as if it happened before he got here. "Yeah, it's cool. I don't mind, especially, if it actually helps somebody. It is being kinda short lived, but it is something I wished to be a bit deeper. Emotionally, at least."

"What do you mean-?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure Skipper would be rough with me if you knew the actual meaning anyways. As I was saying...", King Julien tried to come up with something that was believeable, but he was never a reliable liar. Or so he thought. "Back in the Madagascar, I was in love with...a parrot. Of regal plume. She was resiliant, strong and commanding. Hard to talk to, until one day me and her were left in a dire situation of sorts. I saw there being a way out that would save me and me alone but", Julien, who was still holding onto Private a bit tighter as he told this tale. "I just couldn't leave her and those brilliant fantabulous feathers behind. So I held a way out for her sacrificing myself to save those magnificent feathers and just before I was done in, a pair of luxurious wings saved me from the inevitable. The parrot soon distanced herself from me so she wouldn't be reminded of the what we just went through, but as the days went on I found her, looking at me at a distance and since that day she had always been in the background. One day I snuck up on her, tackling her to the ground. I wasn't rough, though she reacted as if I was and pushed me away with her wings but after she felt my paws on her and our eyes locked with passion, the parrot just melted in my arms and we cuddled for what seemed like hours. As the moon casted over us later that day, things got...physical. And since then we...or at least we are being one if she can forgive me for what I have done.", Julien said lamenting what he is going to do Skipper.

Private repositioned himself looking at Julien looking innocently, "You mean moving to the Zoo?"

"Heh, yeah. That is what I am meaning. Anyways, I hoped that is helping you."

"Not really, but I heard your heart as you told this story.", Julien was surprised with himself. Even though he was telling such a gargantuan lie, his true feelings peaked through. "And as long as I feel what you're feeling when you told me that tale, I'll know.", Private got up waddling off a bit more confidently than he entered, sliding off to his habitat with a newly found bravado, he headed off towards a new frontier with armed with a wise tale and the power of love.

Private giggled to himself. "My that's rather cheesy, isn't it? But honestly do I need anything else honestly?"


End file.
